One thing I sometimes do to avoid thinking about death is make anagrams. In case you don’t know what they are, an anagram is when you scramble the letters of one word or phrase, rearranging them into a new one. It’s usually hard to come up with anything noteworthy. In fact, most of them don’t make any sense. It’s a labor of love in the name of ephemeral trivia–the reason I was put on this earth.
Since I usually scribble them on folded-up pieces of paper that accumulate and make a mess, and I have to move out soon and get rid of unwanted stuff before I do, I’d like to share a few of them with you. I used to be far more obsessive about generating them, but nowadays they’re just a way to whittle down writer’s block. I’d been reading a lot of Nabokov lately for inspiration (Speak, Memory; Bend Sinister; Despair; and The Luzhin Defense) but his nihilistic world view and relative dearth of sympathetic characters overshadow his linguistic brilliance, leaving me cold (but at least I didn’t catch a cold). The cruelest thing of his I’ve ever read besides Lolita, which has the redeeming feature of being an undisputed masterpiece, is probably Laughter in the Dark, unless it was King, Queen, Knave; I was also turned off–I have to admit–by his breezy mention in his memoir of having dispatched thousands of butterflies in the name of pursuing his hobby of killing and collecting them. Mind you, I’ve done the same by proxy with innumerable cows, pigs, chickens, and fish, but hey, I was hungry, okay? As far as I know, Mr. Nabokov never ate any of the butterflies he caught (when you think of it, butterfly is kind of an oxymoron when considering each noun of the compound word as a dish; it’s likewise ironic that whereas there is little in nature as beautiful and delicate as a butterfly, few images are more disgusting or coarse than that of a stick of butter teeming with flies–at least from your garden variety human point of view).
Onward to the anagrams:
gratitude I GET A TURD!
advertisement DEVIANT METERS
superstardom PROUD MASTERS
SPOTS A MURDER
SPURT MORE ADS
brain damage A BRAND IMAGE
imaginary friend RAIN INFAMY DIRGE
watching television I CHEW VIOLENT GIANTS
disaster movie SIR DEAD’S VOMIT
IS VIDEO MASTER
ASS? I REMOVED IT.
MEET ID’S SAVIOR
IDEA: VISE STORM
SAVE TIMID ROSE
MR. SOVIET’S AIDE
born-again Christian ORGANIC SHIT IN A BARN
CHRIST BANANA ORIGIN
I GROAN, SHIT-CAN BRAINS
self-confident OFFEND CLIENTS
sexually frustrated EXERT FULL SATURDAYS
existentialism EXIT SEMI-STALIN
MIST EXITS ALIEN (switched from “alien exits mist”)
alienated DIAL A TEEN
post-traumatic stress disorder ADDS MESS’S PATRIOTIC TORTURERS
TORPEDO: ITS SARCASM IS TRUSTED
DISASTROUS TERRORISTS’ MAP, ETC.
lucid dreaming LURID MAGIC DEN
LANGUID MR. DICE
DIG A CRUEL MIND
RID DUNG MALICE
NICE, MILD GUARD
psychotic episode COPY POETIC DISHES
HE IS CITY COP’S DOPE (or: HE IS CITY DOPE’S COP)
peace of mind FAMINE COPED
DEEP MAN COIF*
COME FIND APE
FEED MAP COIN
The Marx Brothers EXHORT SMART HERB
spaghetti western GREAT WET SHIT’S PEN
quiet desperation QUESTION ATE PRIDE
getting married MINT TIRE DAGGER
financiers FIRE IN CANS
FRANCE IS IN
movie line I LOVE MINE
EVE IN LIMO
good times TO DIG SOME
modern lives DEVIL SERMON
MEL DRIVES ON
SILVER DEMON (or if you prefer, “liver’s demon”)
livestock SLICK VOTE
closing time LONG MICE SIT
CLING TO SEMI
MICE LOST GIN
I hope you liked them. Please let me know if you have any feedback. If not, a feedbag would do just as well. Thanks.
*This could be a typo.