A Few Good Anagrams

When attempting to come up with anagrams, I’m occasionally rewarded by a eureka moment that makes the otherwise incomparably wasteful procedure worth the effort.  Here are some of the best ones I’ve generated over the years.  If you’re really into anagrams (and not everyone is, understandably), check out the list I assembled on my old blog, http://www.lettuceprey.weebly.com.  I think there are about a thousand of them.

Anyway, I hope you like them.

Poseidon     POISONED

Medusa     AMUSED

constipated     CAN’T DEPOSIT

predators     TEARDROPS

nudity     UNTIDY

discover     DIVORCES

listen     SILENT

reincarnation     AN INCINERATOR

happiest     EPITAPHS

Palestine     PENALTIES

Maher*     HAREM                   *as in Bill

ideals     LADIES

Pentagon     NOTE GAP

violence     NICE LOVE

evangelist     EVIL’S AGENT

depression     PERSON DIES

caricatures     ACCURATE, SIR

women     OWN ME

cretinous     NEUROTICS

wealth     THE LAW

poverty     VERY TOP

Words Made Up Of Other Words

One feverish anal-retentive little hobby of mine is coming up with anagrams.  Although there are algorithms that will do the grunt work for you these days, I like the thrill of discovery that occasionally pops up during eureka moments from a dungheap of duds (that would be a good name for a second-hand clothing store).  That’s why I do them all by longhand.  It’s a bad habit, as I accumulate folded scraps of paper I have to sift through in search of anything worth salvaging.

I’d be grateful if you could let me know which ones you like.  And if there are any you don’t like, don’t feel you have to hide your flamethrower under a bushel.

But before I share them with you, have you ever seen anything more surreal than George W. Bush commemorating the historic Selma march of the civil rights movement?

I haven’t.

George W. Bush        SOB GREW HUGE (or:  s.o.b. grew huge) (a golden oldie)

eternal God         GENTLE ROAD; OLDER AGENT; LORD AGE NET; GOLDEN TEAR

omnipresent        NOTE MR. PENIS

redundancy         RANDY DUNCE

The Last Supper      TRUST SHEEP, PAL; THE PUREST SLAP; SLURP THE PASTE;

HELP UTTER SAPS; HUSTLER PET SAP

American Sniper       SIMIAN CREEP RAN

Clint Eastwood         A TWISTED COLON; TOTAL SWINE, COD

melting glaciers         GIGANTIC SMELLER

tenacious         INTO SAUCE

downloads       WOODLANDS

hug         UGH

bloody     OLD BOY

bleed       BE LED

antlers     RENTALS

automatons    TOMATO ANUS

nuclear powers    CRUEL WAR OPENS; PEONS’ RAW LUCRE

Paradise Lost      OLD PARASITES

Stairway to Heaven    ATTORNEY HAS A VIEW

heart failure       FEEL A HURT AIR

confused     END FOCUS

freakish      FISH RAKE

Bermuda Triangle     END BRUTAL MIRAGE; RUN METAL BIRD AGE

State of the Union    HUES OF ATTENTION; FUNNIEST HATE, TOO

split personality        LOST REPTILIAN SPY

toilet paper         PLOP ATTIRE

painkillers      RAKE IN PILLS

I hope you like them.

New Meanings For Familiar Terms

(Along With A Few Coinages)

spontaneous combustion:  what the U.S. Air Force calls a napalm strike

friendly fire:  the smiley faces made by a happy flamethrower

collateral damage:  the thing your car insurance policy doesn’t cover

love triangle:  the harmonious relationship held by Wall Street, the Democrats, and the Republicans

cancer-patient (adj.):  how you have to be if you live in an Asian mega-city with poisonous air conditions

air conditioner:  coal plant

baby-shitter:  someone who gives birth by way of excretion

car pool:  a terrific bathing experience for your precious automobile

face book:  a soldier’s souvenir collection of his victim’s visages

kaputalism:  what happens when the whole global system of trade and commerce suddenly collapses due to accumulated ecological damage, climate-related pressures, prolonged economic inequality, and a perennially sustained assault on other species

blood bank:  the nickname arms contractors give to war

microsoft word:  a baby’s whisper

paper jam:  a delicacy enjoyed by beavers and termites

marketing department:  the section in Walmart where you buy your groceries

plastic surgeon:  a doctor of the future

time machine:  a mobile phone

conspicuous consumption:  cannibalism

police force:  a euphemism for “police brutality”

diorama:  a colorful way of saying “mass extinction”

international relationship:  the love boat

divine intervention:  the end result of government surveillance

exitainment:  the feeling you get when you realize the movie you’re watching sucks

celepretty (adj):  (rhymes with “celebrity”) attractive in an artificial way that makes people want to give you an award

American Sniper: Alternative Titles

In an effort to come up with a title for his latest jingoistic, Islamophobic action flick, Clint Eastwood got a lot of suggestions from his script writers before he finally decided to just name the bloody movie after the book it was based on.  Which one of the following rejections do you think he might want to use to launch the director’s cut?

Diddler on the Roof

The Iraqi-Whacker

I Come in Peace

How the West Was Lost

Sniper Rash

I Only Have Ice for You

Lee Harvey Oswald, Eat Your Heart Out

Keep Your Muzzle on the Muslims

From America With Hate

Weapons of Crass Destruction

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Violence Is Golden

Magnum Farce

Tunnel Vision

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Predator Drone!

My Bullets Are Your Bullets

I’m the NRA

More Fun Than a Barrel of Democracy

Legend Shmegend

Peekaboo!  I Slay You

American Psycho 2

The Sight-Seer

Lie Down And Fight Like A Man

Ready?  Aim. . . Expire!

The Accidental Terrorist

Nation-Buildin’

Kyle the Vile

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

My Life’s A Video Game

American Cipher

I’m a little concerned about the title Eastwood went with.  The word sniper has an unpleasant ring to it.  It rhymes with diaper, viper, and wiper.  Snipe is an anagram of penis, which is fitting when you consider firearms as phallic symbols (not that that’s a very nice thing to say about your penis, and I believe you owe it–him?–an apology).

But it’s good to know that after reducing the cradle of civilization to a shambles, the United States still knows how to make a refreshing glass of lemonade in the shape of a Hollywood blockbuster movie, transforming the suffering of millions of innocent people into lucrative entertainment.

(By the way, I apologize for the misanthropic tone of yesterday’s entry.  When I wrote that I crave the attention of people I respect even less than myself, I was only joking about the lack of respect part.  Or half-joking, since it’s true that I find it hard to respect people who build their whole lives around unquestioningly digested falsehoods.

Also, excuse me for getting the name of the Spanish conquistador wrong.  I meant to write Hernando Cortez, not Gregorio (a character in the title of a movie starring–if I’m not mistaken, although I probably am once again–Edward James Olmos, star of Miami Vice and the inspirational feel-good real-life heroic teacher flick Stand And Deliver).  My apologies to any descendants of Cortez who happen to read this blog.

Tongue Twisters (R – Z)

Regina regurgitated religiously on Reginald’s refrigerator and roundly registered his revolted reaction, rejoicing and regaling him with her ravenously relished rebellion as Reggie retaliated by ridiculing her rudeness with a ricocheting riposte.

Steven stammered a staccato stampede of silly syllables as he sneezed, sniffled, and saluted his supercilious and superfluous supervisor Simon Sarcophagus, a sinister, sneaky snob who secretly sucked up to spineless, sputtering sycophants.

Tempted to topple the temple with a titanic tide of TNT, Tina tittered tearfully and tore apart a department store instead with tremendous trepidation, taunting a tidal wave of tuna to tear the town in two.

Unable to utter an understatement, Uncle Ulysses ululated unctuously under his unwieldy umbrella at the unfortunate universe and uneasily used a unicycle.

Valerie vivaciously vomited on the vacuous vampire’s vermilion vest as the vexed vermin vehemently averred in vanilla vowels that she’d vitiated the volunteer vulture and vanquished his vitality.

Wondering where Waldo was, Wanda wished the wizard would wipe her weeping wounds with his wobbly wand and walked woefully with Wonder Woman, waving out the window at the widow wandering on the wharf who whispered wispily, “Why will we win, and wherefore worry about the Wichita Wallabies?”

Expecting an excellent example of excrement, Xavier exuded exuberance as he exonerated the exceptional executioner of excessive executives and expectorated expressively on the expectant exporter of exalted expletives.

Yodeling Yakov yearned for a yellow yak to yoke his Yugo to and yipped at the yogurt-yielding youth in the Yosemite yurt.

Zealous Zeke zigzagged on his zebra and zoomed through the zephyr’s zipper into the zinc zenith of the Zimbabwe ziggurat.

(Zorry, but I don’t zmoke zigguratz.)