A Few Good Anagrams

When attempting to come up with anagrams, I’m occasionally rewarded by a eureka moment that makes the otherwise incomparably wasteful procedure worth the effort.  Here are some of the best ones I’ve generated over the years.  If you’re really into anagrams (and not everyone is, understandably), check out the list I assembled on my old blog, http://www.lettuceprey.weebly.com.  I think there are about a thousand of them.

Anyway, I hope you like them.

Poseidon     POISONED

Medusa     AMUSED

constipated     CAN’T DEPOSIT

predators     TEARDROPS

nudity     UNTIDY

discover     DIVORCES

listen     SILENT

reincarnation     AN INCINERATOR

happiest     EPITAPHS

Palestine     PENALTIES

Maher*     HAREM                   *as in Bill

ideals     LADIES

Pentagon     NOTE GAP

violence     NICE LOVE

evangelist     EVIL’S AGENT

depression     PERSON DIES

caricatures     ACCURATE, SIR

women     OWN ME

cretinous     NEUROTICS

wealth     THE LAW

poverty     VERY TOP

Tongue Twisters (R – Z)

Regina regurgitated religiously on Reginald’s refrigerator and roundly registered his revolted reaction, rejoicing and regaling him with her ravenously relished rebellion as Reggie retaliated by ridiculing her rudeness with a ricocheting riposte.

Steven stammered a staccato stampede of silly syllables as he sneezed, sniffled, and saluted his supercilious and superfluous supervisor Simon Sarcophagus, a sinister, sneaky snob who secretly sucked up to spineless, sputtering sycophants.

Tempted to topple the temple with a titanic tide of TNT, Tina tittered tearfully and tore apart a department store instead with tremendous trepidation, taunting a tidal wave of tuna to tear the town in two.

Unable to utter an understatement, Uncle Ulysses ululated unctuously under his unwieldy umbrella at the unfortunate universe and uneasily used a unicycle.

Valerie vivaciously vomited on the vacuous vampire’s vermilion vest as the vexed vermin vehemently averred in vanilla vowels that she’d vitiated the volunteer vulture and vanquished his vitality.

Wondering where Waldo was, Wanda wished the wizard would wipe her weeping wounds with his wobbly wand and walked woefully with Wonder Woman, waving out the window at the widow wandering on the wharf who whispered wispily, “Why will we win, and wherefore worry about the Wichita Wallabies?”

Expecting an excellent example of excrement, Xavier exuded exuberance as he exonerated the exceptional executioner of excessive executives and expectorated expressively on the expectant exporter of exalted expletives.

Yodeling Yakov yearned for a yellow yak to yoke his Yugo to and yipped at the yogurt-yielding youth in the Yosemite yurt.

Zealous Zeke zigzagged on his zebra and zoomed through the zephyr’s zipper into the zinc zenith of the Zimbabwe ziggurat.

(Zorry, but I don’t zmoke zigguratz.)

What To Do In An Emergency

1.  If you’re having a heart attack, make sure to:

A) finish your cigarette.  B)  take a selfie.  C)  eat a cheeseburger.

2.  In the event you cut your hand badly:

A)  take a moment to appreciate what a pretty color crimson is.

B)  run around until you feel woozy.  It’s fun!

C)  remove one of your socks to make a tourniquet.

3.  If you wake up to find the house on fire:

A)  take several long, slow, deep, breaths.  That way you’ll be able to relax.

B)  break out the marshmallows and have a party.

C)  go back to sleep.  You’re probably just having a nightmare.

4.  If somebody sticks a gun in your face:

A)  read him his Miranda rights, then say, “Wait, aren’t you supposed to say these to me?”

B)  Say, “I regret that I have but one life to give for my suburb.”

C)  Look him in the eye and say, “I won’t come visit you in prison.”

5.  If you get hit by a car and the driver is kind enough to stop:

A)  ask, “Why did you do that?”

B)  say, “Thanks–I’ve always wanted to be killed by a Ferrari.”

C)  (if you’re lying on your back) point at the sky and say, “Methinks that cloud looks like a whale.”

6.  If the boat you’re on sinks and you find yourself drowning in the ocean:

A)  ask a fish for directions to the surface.

B)  inhale some seawater to provide yourself with refreshing and revitalizing electrolytes.

C)  find a large piece of plastic trash to hang onto until a Coast Guard cutter appears.

Coffee Table Safari

Big brown fish

made out of polished wood

varnished and carved

by a careful human hand

faces the coffee cup of history

with the cartoon chicken

standing on his hind legs

ruminating with one feathered

hand against her waist,

the other curled into a fist

to rest her chin on as she thinks

about the gentle elephant she saw

who walked in wooden wonder

with his trunk between his tusks

ears folded back with endearing

shyness enduring years.

His nemesis, an urgent, turgid turtle,

a taciturn reptile about his size

but with a carapace.

He who could stalk with

the best of predators

could likewise withdraw

with a snap

into the shelter of his shell.

He faces the fish,

the cheerful chicken

presiding over the coffee cup

between them, the big ear of the tall

ceramic mug curving towards me

east, then turning clockwise,

south, then west, the turtle

facing forward, his long, contemplative

face hovering less than an inch

above the sacred surface

of the coffee table.

A fountain made by two

giraffes, elegantly bending their necks

towards each other.  The taller

creature, maybe the male,

gazes lazily at the clouds in the indoor sky.

The female, meanwhile,

(a slightly shorter frame

for the still-distinguished dame),

leans sideways to kiss him

under the chin

as he stretches his neck

luxuriantly.

This hollow wooden heart

elongated by longing

joyfully closes their eyes

in escalating ecstasy.