In Other Words

One thing I sometimes do to avoid thinking about death is make anagrams.  In case you don’t know what they are, an anagram is when you scramble the letters of one word or phrase, rearranging them into a new one. It’s usually hard to come up with anything noteworthy.  In fact, most of them don’t make any sense.  It’s a labor of love in the name of ephemeral trivia–the reason I was put on this earth.

Since I usually scribble them on folded-up pieces of paper that accumulate and make a mess, and I have to move out soon and get rid of unwanted stuff before I do, I’d like to share a few of them with you.  I used to be far more obsessive about generating them, but nowadays they’re just a way to whittle down writer’s block.  I’d been reading a lot of Nabokov lately for inspiration (Speak, Memory; Bend Sinister; Despair; and The Luzhin Defense) but his nihilistic world view and relative dearth of sympathetic characters overshadow his linguistic brilliance, leaving me cold (but at least I didn’t catch a cold).  The cruelest thing of his I’ve ever read besides Lolita, which has the redeeming feature of being an undisputed masterpiece, is probably Laughter in the Dark, unless it was King, Queen, Knave; I was also turned off–I have to admit–by his breezy mention in his memoir of having dispatched thousands of butterflies in the name of pursuing his hobby of killing and collecting them.  Mind you, I’ve done the same by proxy with innumerable cows, pigs, chickens, and fish, but hey, I was hungry, okay?  As far as I know, Mr. Nabokov never ate any of the butterflies he caught (when you think of it, butterfly is kind of an oxymoron when considering each noun of the compound word as a dish; it’s likewise ironic that whereas there is little in nature as beautiful and delicate as a butterfly, few images are more disgusting or coarse than that of a stick of butter teeming with flies–at least from your garden variety human point of view).

Onward to the anagrams:

gratitude     I GET A TURD!

advertisement     DEVIANT METERS

                          STREAM-INVESTED

superstardom     PROUD MASTERS

                          TUMORS SPREAD

                          DREAM’S STUPOR

                          SPOTS A MURDER

                          SPURT MORE ADS

                          PARROTS MUSED

brain damage     A BRAND IMAGE

imaginary friend     RAIN INFAMY DIRGE

watching television     I CHEW VIOLENT GIANTS

disaster movie     SIR DEAD’S VOMIT

                           IS VIDEO MASTER

                           ASS?  I REMOVED IT.

                           MEET ID’S SAVIOR

                           IDEA:  VISE STORM

                           SAVE TIMID ROSE

                           MR. SOVIET’S AIDE

born-again Christian     ORGANIC SHIT IN A BARN

                                   CHRIST BANANA ORIGIN

                                   I GROAN, SHIT-CAN BRAINS

self-confident     OFFEND CLIENTS

sexually frustrated     EXERT FULL SATURDAYS

existentialism     EXIT SEMI-STALIN

                         MIST EXITS ALIEN (switched from “alien exits mist”)

alienated     DIAL A TEEN

                   NEAT!  IDEAL!

                   A DATELINE

post-traumatic stress disorder     ADDS MESS’S PATRIOTIC TORTURERS

                                                  TORPEDO:  ITS SARCASM IS TRUSTED

                                                  DISASTROUS TERRORISTS’ MAP, ETC.

lucid dreaming     LURID MAGIC DEN

                           LANGUID MR. DICE

                           DIG A CRUEL MIND

                           RID DUNG MALICE

                           NICE, MILD GUARD

psychotic episode     COPY POETIC DISHES

                                 HE IS CITY COP’S DOPE (or:  HE IS CITY DOPE’S COP)

peace of mind     FAMINE COPED

                           DEEP MAN COIF*

                           COME FIND APE

                           FEED MAP COIN

The Marx Brothers     EXHORT SMART HERB

spaghetti western     GREAT WET SHIT’S PEN

quiet desperation     QUESTION ATE PRIDE

getting married     MINT TIRE DAGGER

financiers     FIRE IN CANS

                   CAIN’S FINER

                   FRANCE IS IN

movie line     I LOVE MINE

                    EVE IN LIMO

good times     TO DIG SOME

modern lives     DEVIL SERMON

                        MEL DRIVES ON

                        DRIVE LEMONS

                        SILVER DEMON (or if you prefer, “liver’s demon”)

livestock     SLICK VOTE

                  LOVE’S TICK

closing time     LONG MICE SIT

                       CLING TO SEMI

                       MICE LOST GIN

                       COMING TILES

                       SLICING TOME

I hope you liked them.  Please let me know if you have any feedback.  If not, a feedbag would do just as well.  Thanks.

*This could be a typo.

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One thought on “In Other Words

  1. ‘Ass? I removed it’ is actually a great title for a disaster movie, Stew. You should write the script.
    Sample dialogue:
    ‘Sir, the president has just removed his own ass.’
    ‘What? Are you serious?’
    ‘Do I look like I’m joking?’
    This stuff writes itself! Here’s another:
    ‘Sir, the Briddish Prime Minister is on the phone. He says he has just removed his own arse.’
    ‘I don’t even know what that means’
    etc.

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