Sometimes you’ve got to laugh at yourself; after all, if you don’t, no one else will either.
Q) Why does Barack Obama always frown when he masturbates?
A) As he’s the President of the United States, he takes himself very seriously.
Q) How did Hamlet stub his toe?
A) By drop-kicking Yorick’s skull to Horatio.
Q) What was Hamlet’s favorite Robert Palmer song?
A) “Hey There, Ophelia, I’d Really Like to Feel Ya.”
Q) What did the man working for Orwell’s Thought Police say when he saw Forrest Gump?
A) “Now there’s a model citizen!”
Q) What did Harry Truman say when he couldn’t decide whether to bomb Hiroshima or Nagasaki first?
A) “This is a real immoral dilemma.”
Q) What did Jesus say to the people who helped him carry his cross to the place where he would make his heroic sacrifice?
A) “Thanks for your mortal support.”
Q) What did Jesus say to the centurion who looked suspiciously like Mel Gibson when he scrutinized his crucifix?
A) “This is awfully shoddy workmanship. I could have done better than this in seventh grade wood shop.”
Q) When did George W. Bush realize he was going to fail his creative writing class at Andover?
A) When the teacher told the class: “Write what you know.”