Q) What did Neil Armstrong say after he realized he’d locked his keys in the car for the umpteenth time?
A) “I am such a space cadet.”
Q) What did Yahweh say to Lot after transforming his wife to a crystalline statue?
A) “Take it with a grain of salt.”
Q) What did the cop ask Teddy Kennedy when the young senator emerged from the river in Chappaquiddick?
A) “May I see your diver’s license, please?”
Q) What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Maria Shriver by way of goodbye?
A) “Hasta la vista, baby.”
Q) What did Romeo say to Juliet when she said, “Parting is such sweet sorrow”?
A) “Aw, come on, girl. Everybody’s doing it.”
Q) What did Nixon say when he met Mao Zedong?
A) “I made you this compilation tape.”
Q) What did Marilyn Monroe say when asked which Kennedy she was having an affair with?
A) “Both of them–Ken and Eddy.”
Q) What did Jim Morrison say when a groupie asked him to sign her chest?
A) “Here, hold my beer. By the way, how do you spell ‘Jim’?”
Q) What did Elvis say when Jesus showed him a tabloid claiming the singer was still alive?
A) “That’s news to me, Lord.”
Q) How did St. Peter introduce Jesus to Elvis?
A) “King of the Jews? I’d like you to meet the King of Rock and Roll.”
Q) What did Muhammed Ali say to Richard Pryor when they first met?
A) “Watch out who you’re calling ‘nigger’, motherfucker.”
Q) What did Charles Bronson say to Peter Sellers when he met him on the set of the third Pink Panther movie?
A) “Yeah great, Kubrick picks you instead of me to play Strangelove.”
Q) What did Humbert Humbert say when Lolita wouldn’t stop jumping up and down on their motel room bed?
A) “Will you please grow up?”
Q) What did Henry Kissinger say when he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
A) “I’d like to share this honor with my dear friend and distinguished colleague, Mr. Pol Pot.”
Q) What did Barack Obama say when he received the Nobel Peace Prize?
A) “I’d like to thank George Orwell for reminding us all that war is peace. May God bless you, me, America, and a dog named Boo.”
Q) What did Charlie Chaplin say when offered his first part in a talking movie?
A) “I’m speechless.”
Q) What did Hector Salamanca say when Hank Shrader asked him if he knew Gus Fring?
A) “Sorry, but the name doesn’t ring a bell.”
Q) What did Richard Dreyfuss say when the shark poked his head out of the ocean while the actor was shoveling chum into the water?
A) “What an incredible make-up job! I can’t even tell it’s Brando.”