The History of Toothpaste (Chapter One)
Scene: A cave. Zak, a caveman, is talking with his wife Mug, a cavewoman.
Mug: What matter?
Zak: Zak have pain in tooth. Think hole.
Mug: Here–try this.
Zak: What that?
Mug: It peppermint. Tooth good feel.
Zak: (chewing leaves) Mmmm. Taste is good. Pain continue, however.
Mug: Here–drink. (Hands him tiny bottle.)
Zak: This product–don’t know. Unfamiliar to Zak.
Mug: That because I just invent. Free time during yesterday woolly mammoth hunt.
Zak: It kill pain! Ya ha ha ha! I dance on pain grave! What call?
Mug: Oil of clove.
Zak: Good wife. I make necklace of dinosaur toe bones for knock-up anniversary.
Mug: Thank remember birthday.
Zak: What do?
Mug: Combine ingredient with fluoride. Zak do favor, come up with menu while saber tooth tiger kill.
Zak: Name already have.
Mug: What choose?
Zak: “White Smile.”
Mug: Have sex appeal and subversive racist subtext to boot. Also encourage rigid conformity
and heartless optimism.
Zak: Zak genius.
Mug: Shut mouth. Big brain in onlooker head.
Zak: That right–sorry, me forget.
Mug: Okay–husband stupid.
Zak: Wife bitch.
Announcer: White Smile–the toothpaste favored by four out of five dentists, along with evolution. (Not available in stores. Batteries sold separately.)