Smile for the Dentist

The History of Toothpaste (Chapter One)

Scene:  A cave.  Zak, a caveman, is talking with his wife Mug, a cavewoman.

Zak:  Eeeyargh!

Mug:  What matter?

Zak:  Zak have pain in tooth.  Think hole.

Mug:  Here–try this.

Zak:  What that?

Mug:  It peppermint.  Tooth good feel.

Zak:  (chewing leaves)  Mmmm.  Taste is good.  Pain continue, however.

Mug:  Here–drink.  (Hands him tiny bottle.)

Zak:  This product–don’t know.  Unfamiliar to Zak.

Mug:  That because I just invent.  Free time during yesterday woolly mammoth hunt.

Zak:  It kill pain!  Ya ha ha ha!  I dance on pain grave!  What call?

Mug:  Oil of clove.

Zak:  Good wife.  I make necklace of dinosaur toe bones for knock-up anniversary.

Mug:  Thank remember birthday.

Zak:  What do?

Mug:  Combine ingredient with fluoride.  Zak do favor, come up with menu while saber tooth tiger kill.

Zak:  Name already have.

Mug:  What choose?

Zak:  “White Smile.”

Mug:  Have sex appeal and subversive racist subtext to boot.  Also encourage rigid conformity

and heartless optimism.

Zak:  Zak genius.

Mug:  Shut mouth.  Big brain in onlooker head.

Zak:  That right–sorry, me forget.

Mug:  Okay–husband stupid.

Zak:  Wife bitch.

(They fight.)

Announcer:  White Smile–the toothpaste favored by four out of five dentists, along with evolution.  (Not available in stores.  Batteries sold separately.)


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