Neologisms Du Jour
testaurant (n) a restaurant that offers its customers experimental food. Example: Duke distinguished himself as a testauranteur, a pastime that truncated his life by a few decades.
depressionable (adj) susceptible to depression induced by depressed people in one’s presence. Gary was happy when alone, but found he was depressionable in the company of his fellow brain surgeons.
cacophalypse (n) a noisy commotion that those who are exposed to deem a sign that the world is coming to an end. Due to her cacophalyptic tendencies, Sheila never ventured into a nightclub without first putting in a pair of industrial-strength earplugs.
chilliva (n) spit that freezes in mid-air, a phenomenon anyone who’s lived through a Minnesota winter is intimately familiar with. The thought of coming home to his wife’s savory cooking made Felix chillivate.
squinterrupt (v) to narrow one’s eyes in an irritated fashion while cutting someone off in order to convey disgust with what the other person is saying. Please don’t squinterrupt your mother when she asks how your first day at middle school was, Al.
scruplicitous (adj) deceitful, but in a sanctimonious or moralizing way. The scruplicitous politician was only too happy to violate his campaign promises, telling constituents that it was their naivete, not his blissful hypocrisy, that was shocking and egregious.
splatapult (n) a modified medieval device used to splatter rotten fruits and vegetables in an unflattering manner against the wall of an adversary’s fortress.
dognosticate (v) to make dogmatic predictions. Edwin dognosticates that the likelihood of human survival (apart from his own, of course) is next to nil.
obliteracy (n) 1) the capacity to read things in the process of being destroyed or that are otherwise disappearing, disintegrating, or rapidly evaporating. 2) the power to actually destroy things as you read them (highly valued by secretive government organizations and the corporations who love them).
incrimidate (v) to scare someone into inaction by making him or her fear accusations of terrorism if he or she exercises his or her rights as a citizen by participating in any kind of assembly, protest, or political demonstration.
shillebrity (n) a famous person who uses his or her household name to get rich by hawking a product in an advertisement or television commercial; sell-out. Leonardo DiCaprio is only the latest shillebrity to attach his overexposed mug to a luxury watch, wearing it on his fingers like brass knuckles. (The author recently saw the actor in regal black and white on a billboard adorning the facade of Lotte Department Store in downtown Seoul, Korea.)