Mitt Romney Speaks from the Heart of His Face

Hello, fellow wealthy people!  How are you?  I hope you’re as fine as I feel.  I’d just like to share with you a few truths I hold to be self-evident.  Please forgive me for belaboring the obvious–ha, ha.  You can blame my speechwriters.  Anyway, here goes nothing:

America is toothpaste.

Corporations are people.

Robots are animals.

Trees are minerals.

Cheese is a motorcycle.

Toilet paper is a hairbrush.

Babies are furniture.

Microscopes are meatballs.

Chicken is a musical instrument.

Insects are librarians.

Tomatoes are beach towels.

Cosmetics are automobiles.

Suspension bridges are butterflies.

Refrigerators are hospitals.

Insurance companies are credit cards.

Nuclear weapons are potato chips.

Sugar is Vitamin C.

The human heart is a rubber duck.

The solar system is a cheeseburger.

Carbon dioxide is a vegetable.

Shampoo is a tennis racquet.

A golf club is a mountain range.

Goldfish are supermarkets.

Thank you.  And may God bless America, you, and all the clean-cut members of your country club.

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One thought on “Mitt Romney Speaks from the Heart of His Face

  1. You are so funny. I simply love your humor. Last night, I was on my smoking break, (gasp) and I felt a stinging on top of my shoulder. I turned my head and there I saw it, the mosquito and I instantly remembered one of your posts about the little bugger filling up his gas tank at Buddhas birthday party on the unflinching monk. I just bust out laughing. Thanks for that. (it stung me right through my scrub top. I hope I don’t get west nile virus. haha

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