Jokes for People Who Have Nothing Better to Do With Their Laughs

Q) Why did the mouse with the weight problem hate having his picture taken?

A)  “Cheese.”

Q)  What did the cartoonist say when she caught her husband erasing samples of her work?

A)  “This is where I draw the line!”

Q)  What was Gene Kelly’s least favorite song?

A)  “I Can See Clearly Now, The Rain Is Gone”.

Q) What did Robert Shaw say to Steven Spielberg when the director told him his character, Quint, was due to be eaten by a Great White shark?

A) “This had better not be because I’m black.”  (Note:  the actor was in fact white.)

Q)  What did Luke Skywalker say during his climactic light saber fight with Darth Vader?

A)  “Got any spare batteries on you?”

Q)  What does Clyde say to Bonnie in the scene at the end of the movie, his words drowned out by a torrential fusillade of Tommy gun bullets?

A)  “I guess it’s true that crime really doesn’t pay.”

Q)  What did Columbus say when his ships approached the shores of the New World (which he at first mistook for India)?

A)  “Chicken vindaloo, here I come!”

Q)  What did Henry Ford say when he unveiled his history-making automobile, the Model T?

A)  “Ladies and gentlemen, you can kiss your horse-shit problems goodbye.”

Q)  What does the Human Torch drink when he wants to bulk up?

A)  A napalm smoothie.

Q)  What did Hermann Goerring, commander of the Luftwaffe, say at the Nuremberg Trials?

A)  “I was only giving orders!”

Q)  What did Judas say on the way to hang himself from a tree?

A)  “Great–I have to die while that wimpy prick gets promoted to God.  Well, at least I get a killer orgasm out of the deal.”


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