Books I’d Like to Read

Terrorists I’ve Been to Bed With        George W. Bush

Presidential Golf Tips        Barack Obama

Why Nothing Can Kill Me      Dick Cheney

How I Lost the Dream         Martin Luther King (written posthumously)

Words, Words, Words        Hamlet (foreword by Siddhartha Gautama)

Tripping on My Shoelace     Gerald Ford

Wake Me Up When It’s Over      Ariel Sharon

Why I Wanna Be a Robot       Ray Kurzweil

America the Beautiful      Miss America

How to Be Insipid and Annoying:  Letters of Advice from Madonna to Lady Gaga

The Chimps Are in Charge        Dr. Jane Goodall

Peace Dividend, My Ass!    Dr. Helen Caldicott

The View from Outer Space     Stephen Hawking

Read This       Steven Wright

Drink Like a Fish     Jacques Cousteau

Nice Paint Job      Vincent Van Gogh

Smoke and Drink Your Way to the Top       Humphrey Bogart

I’m Sorry–No, Really!     Lloyd Blankfein

Acting Hurt      William Hurt

Confessions of an Undercover Abortionist        Mr. Rogers

How to Make Nice with Evil         Mickey Mouse

Dude, Where’s My Dad?     Kim Jong-un

My New Life as a Rastafarian       Reverend Pat Robertson

Why and How to Both Hate Gays and Be Gay      Reverend Ted Haggard (with Yahweh)

Flattery Will Get You Nowhere      Hosni Mubarak

Die and Let Murder      Benjamin Netanyahu

When Lockheed Met Martin:  A Heartbreaking Love Affair with International Bloodshed

Lynn Cheney (Introduction by Matchmaker Bill Clinton)

Heart Attack Buddies      Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney

Attention, Shoppers:  Country for Sale (or, How I Rammed NAFTA through Congress)   Bill Clinton

Justice, Shmustice     Chief U. S. Supreme Court “Justice” John Roberts

The Best Thing about Being White:  Why I Love Plastic Surgery      Pat Boone

A Liberal Terrorist Called the Grim Reaper       Andrew Breitbart

My Olympic Swimming Pool of Crocodile Tears      Glenn Beck

How to Be a Smug Multi-Millionaire       Bill O’Reilly

Starving Children Make the World Go ‘Round      Madeleine Albright

Generally Speaking:  Why I Liked the First Iraq War Better        Colin Powell

How to Make Your Farts Smell Good–or At Least Acceptable      Tim Geithner and Larry Summers

Everybody Must Get Bombed, Riddled with Machine Gun Bullets, or Quietly Assassinated

Dr. Henry Kissinger, Elder Statesman Extraordinaire

How Serial Adultery Can “Enlighten” Your Wallet       Tiger Woods

Give Me Your Filthy Rich      Lady Liberty

How to Change Your Own Batteries       Laura Bush

The Right to Go to Prison, Join the Army, or Get Shot by a Neighbor or a Cop

Malcolm X (written posthumously)

How to Overcompensate for Your First Name       Wilt Chamberlain

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